Waifu Wednesday: Midori

It occurs to me that in five years of this site being A Thing, I’ve never really gone ahead and actually introduced the site’s mascots Midori, Yumi and Penelope.

I mean, yes, they all played a role in the GameCast project I undertook a while back (and am still keen to return to when I find the time and/or inclination!) but for those who didn’t play through all those episodes, chances are you may be wondering who these random girls who keep showing up on my pages are.

Well, let’s rectify that with a few interviews, shall we? Let’s begin with the site’s lead mascot, Midori.

Pete: Hello.

Midori: What’s up, onii-chan?

P: Oh, you’re still calling me that, huh?

M: I feel like it’s expected of me at this point.

P: Fair enough. We sort of did establish precedent back in the GameCast, after all.

M: Yeah, and I mean, well… you like it, right?

P: I… can’t deny that.

M: Well then. There you go! So are you going to ask me something? I thought this was supposed to be an interview.

P: Right. Yes. Um…

M: Why are you getting all shy now? We’ve been together all these years!

P: Yes, yes, you’re right, I’m just… well, you know what I’m like.

M: Stricken with social anxiety, mildly autistic and perhaps a little too attached to your own imaginary creations?

P: You don’t have to be so blunt about it.

M: I’m pretty sure this would have taken all day if we had to wait for your embarrassed bumbling to finish, onii-chan.

P: That’s probably fair.

M: Breathe. It’s fine! It’s all good. It’s all going to be fine!

P: Yes. You’re right. Okay. Right. Well, let’s start with a bit of background then, shall we? For the benefit of the people at home, who are you, Midori?

M: Hello everyone! My name is Midori, and I’m not really onii-chan’s sister, I just call him that because he likes it when the girls in his games and anime call the main character that.

P: I… you know what, never mind.

M: I am a figment of onii-chan’s imagination given life by the power of… somethingorother, and I was born from certain aspects of his personality.

P: And what aspects would those be?

M: Your passion about the things that are important to you. The fact that despite being a nervous, gibbering wreck when confronted with an unstructured social situation, you are capable of coming across as extremely confident and authoritative when speaking in public. And the fact that you find redheads exceedingly attractive.

P: That sounds pretty comprehensive. Why are you called Midori when you have red hair?

M: For the benefit of those reading who aren’t quite as weeb as you, onii-chan…

P: Or those who don’t speak Japanese.

M: Yes, well, as I was saying…

P: I mean, I don’t think you can really automatically call a native Japanese speaker a “weeb” just for speaking their language. You know, your native language.

M: Do you get a lot of native Japanese speakers around here?

P: I’ll have you know I’ve had five whole views originating from Japanese IP addresses just today.

M: Uh-huh. And how many of them are those ex-pats you know living over there teaching English?

P: Answer the question.

M: I think you should answer it, onii-chan. You named me, after all.

P: But then it’s not really interviewing you, is it?

M: We’ve already kind of made a bit of a farce of that whole business, haven’t we?

P: Please just answer the question so we can at least keep up the illusion of some sort of formal structure.

M: All right, all right. As I was saying, for the benefit of non-wee… non-Japanese speakers, “midori” means “green”, so the natural expectation would be for me to have green hair, at least if you’re one of those people who are frustratingly literal about things. But I don’t. I have red hair, because someone prefers redheads. I have green eyes, though. And my uniform is green.

P: Both of those are coincidences, though, right?

M: Right! My uniform is green because before you upgraded WordPress, the site theme you liked the most was predominantly green, and you wanted me to fit in with that. My eyes are green because you tend to pretty much always create custom characters with green eyes, especially if they’re redheads. Green isn’t even your favourite colour. Not even close to your favourite colour. You just think it “goes nice” with the red hair.

P: So what’s the actual reason?

M: You named me after the teacher for a Japanese class you attended for a short period. Her name was Midori Claridge, because she was a Japanese lady who married an English person.

P: I miss that class.

M: Do you? I remember you hating it any time you were forced to pair up with people and do speaking exercises.

P: I wouldn’t say “hate”, it was more to do with the social anxiety. Once I actually got into doing things, I found it quite enjoyable.

M: You even made a futanari joke one class, as I recall.

P: No. I came extremely close when we were learning how to count and the number “futari” came up, but I thought better of it. The futanari talk is for people I know slightly better than “casual acquaintances”

M: Oh. Then what am I thinking of?

P: Probably the time we were learning about the use of “ikimasu”, and I happened to let slip that “iku” was often used to highlight the moment at which someone reached clim– hold on a minute, how old are you?

M: It doesn’t matter.

P: Hmm.

M: I’m part of you, onii-chan, I know all your sordid secrets already. There’s no point in hiding it or trying to look all smooth.

P: That’s true, I guess. But I’m trying to put up a bit of a front for the good people reading.

M: They all know you watch hentai, too. And haven’t you reviewed a whole lot of sex games here on the site?

P: Also true. All right. Sure. Whatever.

M: So hold on, let me get this straight, you wouldn’t make a futanari joke among casual acquaintainces, but one about someone reaching orgasm was A-OK?

P: Yes.

M: Care to elaborate on that?

P: This was later in the course, and everyone had gotten a bit more comfortable with one another. Cheeky jokes weren’t at all unheard of, and it was nice to be able to actually show something of my personality rather than being “the quiet one” like I usually am.

M: To be fair, I think I’d have probably done the same thing.

P: I know you would. That side of me is partly where you came from.

M: Oh, right, yeah.

P: Hold on, I feel like I’m revealing more about myself than about you here.

M: It was always going to happen, onii-chan. After all…

P: …we’re connected, I know, I know.

M: For the record, everyone, he’s never lewded me, and he feels bad every time he has to take my clothes off to put me in a new costume for the monthly Patreon wallpapers. Which, by the way, onii-chan, you owe your $5 Patrons one for the last month.

P: I’m not sure any of that really needed sharing in public, did it?

M: I just wanted to nip any unsavoury rumours in the bud before they started.

P: Alternatively you might have just started some.

M: Teeheehee~

P: I think it’s probably time we wrapped this up if you’re going to start busting out the tildes.

M: You’re probably right. It was nice to talk to you, onii-chan. Make a new GameCast soon!

P: I’ll do my best. Thanks for joining us today!

M: Ja ne!


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Thanks for reading; I hope you enjoyed this article. I’ve been writing about games in one form or another since the days of the old Atari computers, with work published in Page 6/New Atari User, PC Zone, the UK Official Nintendo Magazine, GamePro, IGN, USgamer, Glixel and more over the years, and I love what I do.

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